How to get back on track and stay focussed

We have all been there? Stuck in a rut, not doing anything differently and feeling like we are never going to move on! How do you get back on track and feel like you are moving in the right direction?

1. Find your way ahead.

A good place to start is to remind yourself of where you came from? Why did you start riding your horse? What did you hope to get from it? What feelings and emotions did you have at the start? What was your why? What has changed between them and now?

If you have attended one of my Rider Confidence Workshops, you would know what your why is? If you have not found it yet, how will you find it? Some people ask their trainer for help, others ask help from a rider confidence coach.

2. Identify your goals.

Have you updated your riding goals? Do you have goals? Are they made up of "small steps" so you feel you are achieving every step of the way? Do you know when you are moving away from your goals? Do you have an accountability friend, can your trainer or rider confidence coach help you? Have you considered any 1-2-1 coaching or group coaching sessions? Help is available for you and you do not have to do this on your own?

Your goals should be your motivator and they need to be important to you. As we get older and wiser, our goals change, therefore, it is a good idea to think about them from time to time and check whether your goals are still the same.

If you need help setting your goals, take advantage of my FREE 30 min telephone coaching session
to help you set your goals and email me on bonita@equine-edgecoaching.co.uk.

3. Identify your non-negotiables.

What will you define as your boundaries? Are some black, white or grey? Where do you stand with these? Have you ever thought about what you would have as a non-negotiable? Like you set your SMART goals, write a list of your non-negotiables and stick to them.

4. Imagine.

Allow your imagination to run away with you. If you could do anything you want to with your horse, what will it be? If there were no obstacles, nothing in your way and access to unlimited cash what would it be?

Picture your ideal situation with your horse and your trainer. Now draw it out on paper, picture it clearly and see how it makes you feel. Now add more detail each week to add in the small steps. These can then become your next goals.

5. Plan plan and replan.

Goal setting can be difficult if you do not set SMART goals.

S - specific
M - measurable
A - achievable
R - realistic
T - time based

What are your first steps to put your dream in place? You only have to start with one goal and then expand it to your "small steps". These make it easier to achieve and to realise when you are moving away from your goals. Research your options and ask other riders what they do to improve? Have you thought of clinics or workshops to attend, can you find a coach to help you on your way.  What are the costs and logistics involved?

This process will get you started to achieving your goals. If you would like to book a FREE 30 min coaching session please get in touch and message me through our Facebook page or email me directly bonita@equine-edgecoaching.co.uk.

“Feel the fear and do it anyway”

“Feel the fear and do it anyway” by Susan Feffers, is probably one of my favourite books. If you want to live your life the way you want to, it is most definitely a great read.

I had the pleasure of delivering workshops to the British Dressage Easter Team Spring Camp last Sunday. It was a fabulously sunny day, and everyone felt gratitude for the sunshine and blue skies. This was the perfect back drop to our workshop – how to reduce stress, anxiety and competition nerves using Neuro-Linguistic Programming. We taught several breathing techniques and gave riders an in depth understanding of how the mind operates.

However, there was one common element that bound us all together, that made us feel at one. That something in our past that happened, tucked away in a part of our brain we choose to forget.

Emotions and feelings.

Emotions and feelings associated with an “event” in our past stops us from moving forward. They manifest in a number of ways, often unexplained. They stop us from forgetting, forgiving, creating new resolutions, moving on or setting goals. It dulls the desire to look to the future, reasses and revaluate.

Quiet a few years ago, I was unable to pass a critical exam. Every time I tried to work on it or talk about it I became emotional. I cried. I felt failure. I felt anger. I lost my confidence. I felt disappointment every time I opened “the book” or tried to book another attempt at the exam.

I was referred by a friend to my now coach and mentor for TimeLine Therapy. Little did I know what the effects of meeting him would have on my life then and now. I would be set free from all the emotions associated with “that” time in my life.

To cut a long story short the “trigger” for my failure in my exam was my horrible divorce. I had no idea this was a route cause. How could “that” affect my exam? Surely, I simply needed to pull myself together, have a bit more cake or another large glass of wine? TimeLine Therapy saved me. It eradicated the fear, loss, anger, failure, sadness and regret I felt with regards to my divorce. I had no idea the feelings were so strong and so profound.

 I learnt to understand the feelings and emotions happening to me were associated with my divorce. My clever brain created a “pattern match”. Every time I thought about my exam the emotions and feelings from my divorce surfaced.  This explained why I would start to cry when I thought about the exam or simply spoke about it.

Now, I am free from all those emotions and feelings. I went on to pass my exam easily. The only emotion I felt was excitement and relief. I finally did it, on my own. Me.

Timeline Therapy helps us deal with:

Anxiety, stress and nervousness

Fears and phobias

Gaining confidence and resilience

Removing negative emotions

I wish I knew about this Therapy earlier. Now, I’m thankful for everything and everyone in my life. Free from negative emotion and fulfilling my desire to help other people step out to the other side.

Stronger. Fulfilled. Confident. Content. Winner.

Five Strategies to Build Resilience

When the road gets tough, what do you do?

Several years ago I suffered a severe lack of confidence after a hugely traumatic event. I remember becoming obsessed at staying at home and I refused to believe it was true or the event had happened. I struggles for 6 weeks to come to terms with this trauma and I tried my best to avoid thinking about it because I did not want those sad feelings to resurface. In other words, I took the very enlightened approach of pretend it didn’t happen—one that’s about as effective as other common responses such as getting angry, pushing people away, blaming yourself, or wallowing in self-pity.

Even for the relatively self-aware, struggles can take us by surprise, but learning healthy ways to move through adversity—a collection of skills that researchers call resilience—can help us cope better and recover more quickly, or at least start heading in that direction.I had to make a fairly large decision one day and I still remember exactly where I stood and what I felt. I decided I needed to pull myself together and muster up every bit of resilience, determination and courage I had to overcome this event. I often wonder how much better I would have coped if I knew what I know now, specialising in confidence and resilience work. I do believe the following techniques would have helped me become future focussed earlier and possibly get back on track sooner.

Change the narrative
When something bad happens, we often relive the event over and over in our heads, reliving the pain. This process is called rumination; it is like a cognitive spinning of the wheels, and it does not move us forward.The practice of expressive writing can move us forward by helping us gain new insights on the challenges in our lives. It involves free writing continuously for 20 minutes about an issue, exploring your deepest thoughts and feelings around it. The goal is to get something down on paper, not to create a masterpiece. Allow the heartache, pain and memories to flow out onto paper and release the feelings associated with it.

Face your fears

The overcoming a fear practice is designed to help with everyday fears that get in the way of life, such as the fear of public speaking, heights, or flying. We cannot talk ourselves out of such fears; instead, we have to tackle the emotions directly.The first step is to slowly, and repeatedly, expose yourself to the thing that scares you—in small doses. For example, people with a fear of public speaking might try talking more in meetings, or chair a meeting. Over time, you can incrementally increase the challenge until you are ready to explore other options. Marginal gains is simply the better tactic here.

Practice self-compassion
Fears and adversity can make us feel alone; we wonder why we are the only ones feeling this way, and what exactly is wrong with us. In these situations, learning to practice self-compassion—and recognising that everyone suffers—can be a much gentler and more effective road to self-healing. Self-compassion involves offering compassion to ourselves: confronting our own suffering with an attitude of warmth and kindness, without judgement.

Here is a strategy you can do any time you start to feel overwhelmed by pain or stress. It has three steps, which correspond to the three aspects of self-compassion:

·    Be mindful: Without judgment or analysis, notice what you are feeling. Say, “This is a moment of suffering” or “This is anxiety” or “This is stress” and I accept it now.

·    Remember you are not alone: Everyone experiences these deep and painful human emotions, although the causes might be different. Say to yourself, “Suffering is a part of life” or “We all feel this way” or “We all struggle in our lives.”

·    Be kind to yourself: Put your hands on your heart and say “May I give myself compassion” or “May I accept myself as I am” or “May I be patient.”

Meditate

Our most painful thoughts are usually about the past or the future: We regret and ruminate on things that went wrong, or we get anxious about things that will happen. When we pause and bring our attention to the present, we often find that things are okay. Practicing mindfulness brings us more and more into the present and it offers techniques for dealing with negative emotions when they arise. That way, instead of getting carried away with fear, anger, or despair, we can work through them more deliberately. One meditation technique that we can use throughout our day Mindful Breathing. It involves bringing attention to the physical sensations of the breath: the air moving through the nostrils, the expansion of the chest, the rise and fall of the stomach. If the mind wanders away, you bring attention back. This can be done during a full 15-minute meditation, or during a moment of stress with just a few breaths.

Cultivate Forgiveness

If holding a grudge is holding you back, research suggests that cultivating forgiveness could be beneficial to your mental and physical health. If you feel ready to begin, it can be a powerful practice. Begin by clearly acknowledging what happened, including how it feels and how it is affecting your life right now. Then, you make a commitment to forgive, which means letting go of resentment and ill will for your own sake; forgiveness does not mean letting the offender off the hook or even reconciling with them. Ultimately, you can try to find a positive opportunity for growth in the experience: Perhaps it alerted you to something you need, which you may have to look for elsewhere, or perhaps you can now understand other people’s suffering better.

Finding your power and inner strength?

So, what is inner strength? Do we simply feel it or do we learn it? Can we practice it? Do you feel your power or your ROAR every day? Do you give away your “power” or do you allow it to drain from your soul?  Every morning when you drag yourself out of bed in the freezing cold to ride your beloved horse, do you see it as a new opportunity or as a chore? Do you allow automatic negative thoughts to take over or do you use your resilience and well-being and enjoy the moment?

When we feel more empowered, we have the capacity to better stand up for what we feel and need. Try this daily practice to build your inner strength and feel empowered.

1. Close your eyes and notice your breathing and the sensations in your body.
2. Breathe deeply from the bottom of your stomach for 1-2 minutes until you feel your body and mind relax.
3. Connect with your “power” within you by imagining your breathe flowing into the top of   your scalp and through your body to the bottom of your feet.
4. Think of a time during the last few days where you gave away your power?
5. Do a body scan from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet, what do you notice? Where does your body feel tired, tender, and sore? Do you have knots in your back or shoulders? Do you have any muscle twitches? Accept anything that arises and turn this into acceptance. What emotions are present: fear, anger, anxiety, stress, happiness, contentment? Welcome these emotions and accept them.
6. What is your story and purpose?
7. Tell yourself, “I accept and let go.” Let go of this thought so that it has no power over you.
8. Now open your eyes and shake it off. Using one hand rub both your arms from the   shoulders  to your fingertips several times and shake off these negative emotions and   feelings, discharging them. Disempower these beliefs that do not serve you.
9. Bring awareness to your stomach, find your inner strength and connect with it. Find your   talents, your resilience and confidence and start to use them to feel the power in you build.   Notice what new and empowering thoughts can you feel right now. Visualise you and your   horse as one, graceful and  powerful.

As you embrace the rest of your day, come back to these thoughts and embrace them when your resilience starts to dwindle and reconnect with yourself.

Beat this Dressage to Music Epson Clinic 11 February 2018

Two spaces are availalbe at our clinic at Saddlecombe Stud near Epson, Surrey.

Please email us through www.equine-edgecoaching.co.uk for further details.

Regards

Bonita

British Dressage Easter Region Confidence and Resilience Talk

Hi everyone

Equine-edge rider confidence is delighted to have been invited to talk at the Easter Region Spring Camp on 21-22 April 2018.

We will be hosting 40 minute workshops teaching confidence and resilience techniques to riders and dealing with Automatic Negative Thoughs.

See you there.

A mind holiday really is the key.

Coming from a sporting background, mountain biking, skiing, hockey, cricket and rugby to mention a few, I knew riding a horse would fulfill my desire for that adrenalin rush you feel when you push yourself to the extreme.

Learning to ride a horse was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. Not only did I have to control my feelings, emotions and fears but I had to think about the horse’s feelings, emotions and fears. I realised this was a science, the ultimate challenge of the mind and body and the combination intrigued me.

I remember watching a lesson for the first time. I found it fascinating.  

The intricate movements that had to be made, the rethinking process when things did not always go to plan, the shear dedication it took to listen to your trainer, implement the strategy and keep level headed really stood out for me. Riders had to think out of the box, attempt every training session differently, critically analyse each session before and after. Riders had to maximise their time white juggling a job,  training in the early hours of the morning or after work, come rain or shine and  manage a competition schedule. Fitting everything in and staying confident and resilient required sheer determination.

So, what steps should you take to stay confident and resilient? One think comes to mind. I have seen this happen repeatedly with the clients I have worked with. Not only in the equine world but also within my corporate training business. We take the stresses and distractions from other areas of our lives and take it into the arena with us. A bad day at work, arriving late for your lesson, a disastrous morning commute, extra family demands, or being asked to deliver an additional piece of work that will require you to work late into the night. However, you need to ride because you have an all-day meeting tomorrow.

Day to day stresses cause physical and mental tension that continues to affect you long after the event. Your stress then transfers into your horse, your lesson, your patience and your ability to learn and digest new information and processes.

What can you do to minimise the effects of everyday stress? One technique that immediately comes to mind is taking 5 minutes “out” and take yourself to a place that puts a smile to your face, a memory, a person, that perfect holiday. Breathe deeply from the bottom of your stomach in through your nose and out through your mouth. Do this several times. Give your mind a holiday. Notice, the effect it has on your thoughts, stress and mind? Find the positive, the reason why you ride and love your horse. Go on and Be the Change for yourself. 

Web Site Live

Hi All,

Great news, our new website is now live. Please Take a look at:

www.equine-edgecoaching.co.uk

News

We made it!

Relief and unbelievable excitement to be part of the Senior Home International England Team and competing at Bishops Burton College between 31 - 2 September.

I am so excited to be the British Dressage England Easter Team Mindset Coach and Mrs Motivator. Currently setting up Mindset Management and Competition nerves training for the team.

Events

22 April 2018 - Easter Region British Dressage Camp Workshop & Talk - Keysoe Equestrian Centre

8 July 2018 - Rider Confidence Workshop - Brook Farm Stables - Suffolk

26 July 2018 - Rider Confidence Workshop - Fran Long - Swinshead

9 August 2018 - Rider Confidence Workshop - Thurleigh Equestrian Centre

28 August 2018 - Rider Confidence Workshop - 18:00 - 22:00 pm - Bedford - Cardington Village Hall

30 August - 2 September - Senior Home International Mindset Coaching Talk and Team Representation - Bishop Burton

19 September 2018 - British Dressage Southern Region Talk & Social - Rider Confidence Talk and Group Coaching - "How to create and maintain your competition mindset" - Tottingworth Farm, TN12 8TH.

25 September 2018 - Group Coaching Session 1 - 19:00 pm - Facebook Live

29 September 2018 - Turning training on it's head - Ridden and unridden mindset and coaching training with Bonita and Shaun - Thurleigh Equestrian Centre, 9:00am - 17:00pm

23 October 2018- Group Coaching Session 2 - 19:00 pm - Facebook Live

2 November 2018 - Rider Confidence Workshop - Annie's Place Stables', Stones Green, Harwich, 18:00 -22:00pm

19 November 2018 - Group Coaching Session 3 - 19:00 pm Facebook Live

8 January 2018 - Group Coaching Session 4 - 19:00 pm Facebook Live

Further Rider Confidence Workshops TBC

Please keep a watch on my Facebook page - https://www.facebook.com/Equineedgeriderconfidence/